The X-mas Eve

Saturday night is the loneliest night in the week
‘Cause that’s the night that my sweetie and I
Used to dance cheek to cheek
(Barry Manilow)

The holidays are prime time for loneliness. You might actually be alone this year which is exceedingly difficult when the rest of the world is telling you that you must be with people at this time. Or, you might be surrounded by people and still feel lonely as events and interactions don’t go exactly as planned.

The best way to handle loneliness, and any other emotion, is to understand that it is OK to feel this way. You might then realize that absolutely everyone feels this way at times. In fact, loneliness is a common feeling, even for people without anxiety disorders. Stop criticizing yourself for feeling a certain way.

After truly understanding and accepting that it’s OK to feel lonely, you might then go on to think about what these feelings can teach you about yourself. Our emotions can teach us a lot. They can help us make changes in our lives.

The feelings are part of us. None are bad, and we are not bad for having them. And, just as you might tell me not to be afraid of my anger, I’m telling you not to fear being alone. Because, really, even when we are alone, we have ourselves. And that’s not so bad at all!

The last thing I want to do on Christmas Eve is to sit in front of my computer. But today I was at work. It’s a fate – I’m a support engineer. But I have no interest in being with other people much like myself or dancing in jammed nightclub. There is far more loneliness in the crowded places. The worst kind of loneliness is that which comes when you are WITH other people.

It’s Christmas Eve. I’m alone. Feeling all the monotony, all the sameness of this big town – it all comes to a crashing halt one day each Christmas Eve. There are no sporting events on this night. Dark. There isn’t even erotic shows on the TV.

I feel myself like there are no meaningful relationships to treasure on this night. I ate a hamburger on Christmas Eve. Large fries with a beer. I didn’t even bother to drink a beer or glass of wine on this special night. It is an unusual night for me. Most unusual.

I’m alone with my thoughts. I feel a sense of empowerment. I feel alive. Excitement rushes over me. I feel alive. I feel dizzy. I’m trying to look deep into the universe of myself and saw galaxies that were not visible down below in the city full of so many distractions. Now, without them, all alone and confronted with the spinster of solitude, I now see more clearly than ever before. Above me and all around me, I see and feel the presence of God. My own God – myself… And now I know the real meaning of Christmas.

Йовко Ламбрев

Йовко Ламбрев

ИТ архитект, блогър и (все по-рядко) фотограф. Либерал. Все още вярва, че можем да направим света по-добър.
Пловдив, България